Why Won't My Loved One Come to Me?
Dear Auntie Shelley:
My mom gives messages to a friend of mine to give me frequently. How come my mom doesn't come directly to me?
Auntie Shelley Answers…
First, I want to say I completely understand why this hurts. When someone we love dies, we want nothing more than to know they're still with us. We want them to come to us directly, and when they don't, it can feel confusing or even personal. It isn't.
When I was first developing my mediumship, my best friend's dad came through to me. After her mom passed away, her mom came through to me as well. My friend rarely perceived them communicating with her directly, even though I have no doubt they were trying.
One of the things I've learned over the years is that Spirit often takes the path of least resistance. If someone is more open to receiving the message in that moment, Spirit will often use that person to get the information where it needs to go. That doesn't mean your mom loves your friend more, that your friend has some special connection with her, or that you've somehow been left out. Your mom is getting the message to you, and right now your friend may simply be the easiest route.
Another thing I've noticed is that grief has a way of making us listen with expectations instead of openness. You may have become so focused on hearing your mom's voice, seeing a specific sign, or receiving the message in a particular way that you accidentally overlooked all the little ways she's already communicating.
Sometimes the very thing we're waiting for causes us to miss what's already happening.
If this sounds like you, I'd encourage you to take the pressure off yourself. Instead of trying so hard to hear your mom, spend a few quiet moments talking to her each day. Tell her about your day. Tell her what you're struggling with. Tell her what made you laugh. Talk to her the same way you would if she were sitting across the table from you.
If it feels supportive, create a simple ancestor altar. It doesn't have to be elaborate. A photograph of your mom and a lit white candle are more than enough. The altar isn't for her. It gives you a dedicated space to slow down, become present, and intentionally connect.
After you've shared what's on your heart, get quiet for a few minutes. Don't sit there straining to hear her voice or waiting for something dramatic to happen. Simply notice. Did a word suddenly come into your awareness? Did you feel a touch? Did you smell her perfume? Did a memory you haven't thought about in years suddenly appear? You may experience nothing for the first week or two, and that's okay.
Like any relationship, communication deepens with time. Continued practice helps you become familiar with the subtle ways Spirit communicates with you. You're learning her language from the other side, and that can take some time.
And while you're learning, please don't dismiss the messages your friend is receiving simply because you wish they were coming another way. Your mom found a way to reach you. That's pretty damn wonderful when you think about it.
Spirit doesn't usually arrive with fireworks. More often than not, it begins as a whisper we've finally become quiet enough to hear.
May you always have food on your table, light in your life, and love in your heart.
Your Magical Medium,
Shelley Leggett - Spiritual Badass
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