Dear Auntie Shelley:
I have a question about a situation that just won’t leave my mind. I have been involved/connected with someone for over two decades, and it’s always been a close friendship. Lately I feel like the person I’m connected with is pulling away, and I don’t know how to bring this up or even if I should. How will I know when it’s the right time to maybe just let this go and go our separate ways?
Auntie Shelley Answers…
I read this question and my heart dropped because I know this feeling all too well. This happened with my best friend of 13 years. She pulled away rather quickly, and I was at a complete loss as to what I'd done or said. I could feel that something between us had changed, but I didn't know what, and I was devastated.
I knew she wasn't a confrontational person unless she absolutely had to be, so I didn't want to approach her in a way that would immediately put her on the defensive. Right, wrong, or indifferent, I eventually sent her a text and told her I could energetically feel the strain in our relationship. I told her that if I'd done something to upset her, I wanted her to tell me so I could understand what happened and, if possible, course correct. She responded and said nothing was wrong. My gut kept telling me something wasn't right, but I also had to accept that I couldn't force her to have a conversation she wasn't ready or willing to have.
That's an important distinction when we're intuitive people. Trust what you're feeling, but don't automatically create the explanation for it. You may absolutely be picking up on a change in the relationship, AND intuition doesn't give us permission to decide what another person is thinking or why they're behaving a certain way. They could be upset with you. They could be going through something they haven't shared. They could be afraid of losing you. Or yes, the relationship could simply be changing.
Sometimes as we move through life and our own spiritual journeys, we do outgrow friendships. It hurts, especially when there's no big fight or obvious reason for the relationship to end. You simply aren't the same people you were when you became friends. Your priorities change, your beliefs change, your lives move in different directions, and sometimes a relationship that once fit beautifully no longer fits the same way. The opposite can be true as well. Sometimes our friends grow in a different direction, and we're the ones left wondering where they went. Neither necessarily means someone did something wrong.
I wouldn't end a friendship of more than 20 years based solely on what you're sensing, without giving the relationship a chance for an honest conversation. You know your friend better than I do. If talking face-to-face feels appropriate, do it.
If they're uncomfortable with confrontation, send a text. Write an email. Hell, send an old-fashioned card in the mail if that's more natural for your relationship. The method matters far less than letting this person know, "I care about you, I've noticed some distance between us, and I want to make sure we're okay."
Then comes the difficult part: you have to let them choose what to do with that invitation. You can reach out, be honest, and make it clear the relationship still matters to you. You cannot make another person communicate, explain themselves, or continue a friendship simply because you're not ready for it to change.
If you don't hear back within what you consider a reasonable amount of time, or if you're consistently the only person trying to maintain the relationship, that gives you information, too. Letting go doesn't always require a painful conversation where everyone agrees the friendship is officially over. Sometimes it simply means you stop chasing someone and leave the door unlocked without continuing to stand in the doorway waiting for them to walk through it.
Your friend may be afraid you've outgrown them and not know what to do. It could be something completely unrelated to you. It could also be that this relationship has reached the end of the form you've known for more than two decades. You won't know until you give your friend the opportunity to tell you.
So trust the feeling that something has changed enough to ask the question, but don't let your intuition answer it for them. Reach out with love, leave room for honesty, and then pay attention to what happens next.
Sometimes the answer isn't in what someone says. It's in whether they're willing to meet you halfway.
Learning to trust your intuition without letting fear write the story?
That's part of what we explore in The Intuitive Path, where I teach you how to recognize your intuitive language, practice discernment, and build confidence in your own inner knowing.
May you always have food on your table, light in your life, and love in your heart.
Your Magical Medium,
Shelley Leggett - Spiritual Badass
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