I Can't Meditate... What Do I Do?

One of the questions I hear more than almost any other is, "I can't meditate. Every time I try, my mind won't shut up. What am I doing wrong?"

First, let me reassure you that you're probably not doing anything wrong.

Somewhere along the way, we've created this image that meditation means sitting perfectly still, cross-legged on the floor, with absolutely no thoughts while peaceful music plays in the background. Then the moment our brain starts thinking—which is literally its job—we decide we've failed.

That's simply not how meditation works.

Your brain was designed to think. Meditation isn't about forcing your thoughts to disappear. It's about learning not to chase every single one of them. Imagine you're sitting on a park bench watching people walk by. You notice them, but you don't feel obligated to jump up and follow each person down the sidewalk. Thoughts work the same way. They come, and they go. Meditation is simply noticing them without feeling like you have to engage with everyone.

One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that there's only one right way to meditate. I couldn't disagree more. Sitting quietly works beautifully for some people. For others, it's frustrating enough that they give up before they ever experience the benefits.

Prayer can be meditation.

Walking through the woods can be meditation.

Gardening can be meditation.

Coloring can be meditation.

Sitting on your back porch with a cup of coffee before the rest of the house wakes up can be meditation. Hell, even doing the dishes can be a meditation, or so one of my mediumship students tells me. Personally, that ain’t my thing.

Honestly? One of my favorite forms of meditation is driving. (Eyes open, please. Let's not get too spiritual behind the wheel.)

The trick to meditation isn't forcing your mind to become completely silent. The trick is finding something that keeps your ego occupied long enough for it to stop demanding all your attention. Once your ego is busy, your higher self and your spirit guides finally have a chance to get a word in.

My neurospicy brain does not do quiet well, especially in the beginning. That's one of the reasons I love guided meditations. Your ego gets something to focus on—the music, the narrator's voice, the visualization—and it happily thinks, "I've got a job to do." Meanwhile, your higher self couldn't care less what your ego is doing. It simply waits for the noise to settle down enough to begin gently dropping words, thoughts, feelings, images, or even smells into your awareness.

That's one of the reasons I encourage beginners to start with guided meditations instead of sitting in complete silence. You're not cheating. You're simply giving your ego something constructive to do while your intuition finally has the opportunity to speak.

I also think it's important to consider your nervous system. If you've lived through trauma or you're someone whose mind is constantly racing, asking yourself to suddenly sit perfectly still for thirty minutes is completely unrealistic. That doesn't mean you're bad at meditation. It simply means your meditation practice needs to meet you where you are, rather than where someone else thinks you should be.

One of my favorite ways to help beginners is to lower the bar dramatically. Don't try to meditate for twenty minutes. Try two.

That's it.

Set a timer for two minutes. Focus on your breathing. If your mind wanders—which it absolutely will—gently bring your attention back to your breath. Every time you notice your mind wandering and choose to refocus, you're practicing meditation. That isn't failure. That's the exercise. You're also retraining your brain. Every time you return to the present moment, you're reinforcing new neural pathways and teaching your nervous system that it's safe to be in silence, rather than constantly scanning for the next problem to solve.

As you become more comfortable, you can slowly increase the amount of time if you choose. But don't confuse longer with better. I'd rather see someone spend five intentional minutes connecting with themselves every day than force themselves through thirty miserable minutes once a week because they think they're “supposed” to.

One more thing I'd like you to consider is why you're meditating in the first place.

If your goal is to "empty your mind," you're probably going to leave frustrated. If your goal is to become more present, strengthen your intuition, reduce stress, or simply create a few moments of peace in your day, you'll begin noticing that meditation has been working all along.

The beautiful thing about spirituality is that it isn't one-size-fits-all.

Your relationship with Spirit won't look exactly like mine, and it shouldn't. I can meditate while listening to AC/DC or Aerosmith, and I'm pretty sure that's going to make some meditation teachers clutch their malas. 😂 But that's okay. The goal isn't to create the "perfect" meditation. The goal is to create enough space for your intuition and Spirit to finally get a word in.

Your meditation practice should fit your nervous system, your personality, and your life—not someone else's expectations.

So if you've been telling yourself, "I can't meditate," I'd like to gently offer a different possibility.

Maybe you simply haven't discovered the way you meditate yet.

And I think that's a much more hopeful place to begin.

Got a question for Auntie Shelley?

If you've ever found yourself thinking, "This might be a weird question..." it's probably perfect for Ask Auntie Shelley.

Send your question to magic@themagicalmedium.com with the subject line "Ask Auntie Shelley." If I choose it for a future column, I'll keep your identity anonymous unless you tell me otherwise. Chances are, if you're wondering about it, someone else is too.

May you always have food on your table, light in your life and love in your heart.

Your Magical Medium,

Shelley Leggett – Spiritual Badass

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